“Local Man Kidnapped by Cosmic Pranksters. Los Angeles Man snatched off the face of the Earth by UFO.” Headline that never appeared in the Los Angeles Times because no-one else was there to see it happen.

“Hello. My name is Perk. I came from Earth. How did I get here? Look, I am an intelligent being. 1 + 1 is 2. 2 + 2 is 4. How can I demonstrate my smarts?”

“This scrawny hairless being shows no sign of intelligent mentation in our measuring devices. Just the jumbled mental patterns of a dumb animal. We should put it out of its misery.”